SHIRLEY CHISHOLM - January 2

Her face was almost as ugly as her politics.
__________________________________________________

DANNY SUGERMAN - January 5

No one here gets out alive - especially Danny.
__________________________________________________

RUTH WARRICK - January 15

War's finally over for you and Rick, Ruth.
__________________________________________________

VIRGINIA MAYO - January 17

Each film was a Mayo clinic - in how to be a hottie!
(Hey, at least we didn't start off with the predictable "hold the Mayo" gag.)
__________________________________________________

ROSEMARY WOODS - January 22

Lied about those "missing" minutes of Nixon's tape.
(You never got out of those Watergate woods, Rosie.)
__________________________________________________

JOHNNY CARSON - January 23

He-e-e-e-e-e-ere's Corpsy!
__________________________________________________

JOHN VERNON - February 1

Appropriately, Dean Wormer is sleeping with the worms.
__________________________________________________

MAX SCHMELING - February 2

Now he's really shmelling things up - to the max.
__________________________________________________

OSSIE DAVIS - February 4

Ossie you done died, Davis.
__________________________________________________

ARTHUR MILLER - February 10

Death Of A Scriptwriter.
__________________________________________________

SANDRA DEE - February 20

Dee's dancin' with Mr. D., but this time it ain't Darin.
__________________________________________________

JOHN RAITT - February 20

Bad news: The Pajama Game is over for him.
Good news: In Pajama Game,
he got Doris Day down to her panties.
__________________________________________________

HUNTER S. THOMPSON - February 20

Lock And Loading In Helltown.
(COD: Suicide by gun.)
__________________________________________________

GENE SCOTT - February 21

Cheesiest TV evangelist ever, so even Satanists dug him.
(That's got to be enough to get him into Heaven.)
__________________________________________________

MARTIN DENNY - March 2

His lounge music place is now closed for good.
__________________________________________________

JOHNNIE COCHRAN - March 29

Say "hi" for us in hell to Tricky Dick,
you O.J. murderer-defending lawyer prick.
__________________________________________________

POPE JOHN PAUL II - April 2

We're still waiting to see a Pope John George Ringo.
__________________________________________________

PRINCE RAINER - April 6

And your snooty wife Grace Kelly couldn't drive worth shit.
__________________________________________________

JOHN MILLS - April 23

Swiss Family Rigor-mortis.
__________________________________________________

FRANK GORSHIN - May 17

Riddle: What makes the best impression?
Answer: A six foot deep grave.
__________________________________________________

HOWARD MORRIS - May 21

Ernest T. Bodybag.
__________________________________________________

THURL RAVENSCROFT - May 22

This tiger says dying ain't so grrreeeaaattt!!!
__________________________________________________

EDDIE ALBERT - May 26

Grave Acres.
__________________________________________________

LEON ASKIN - June 3

General Burkhalter was halted? Just askin'.
__________________________________________________

ANNE BANCROFT - June 7

I woulda tapped Mrs. Robinson, but her daughter?
Naw, she was like one of those Stepford Wives.
__________________________________________________

PAUL WINCHELL - June 24

Was Tigger's voice in Winnie The Pooh.
(Could he also have been buried with
Jerry Mahoney and Knucklehead Smith?)
__________________________________________________

JOHN FIEDLER - June 25

Was Piglet's voice in Winnie The Pooh.
(Always played a wimp, but was really a stud.)
__________________________________________________

LUTHER VANDROSS - July 1

First another Superman dies, now another Luthor.
And Vandross usually looked like he was carrying a van full of dross, alright!
(Last we checked, no Winnie The Pooh connection.)
__________________________________________________

WILLIAM WESTMORELAND - July 18

This Vietnam troop number liar is dead, generally speaking.
__________________________________________________

JAMES DOOHAN -July 20

Now Scotty ain't Dohan nothin'.
__________________________________________________

PAT MCCORMICK - July 29

Big joke writing dick now working on a dead shtick.
__________________________________________________

PETER JENNINGS - August 7

This news just in: no smoking allowed in Hell.
__________________________________________________

GENE MAUCH - August 8

The Angels won the series after you left, you bum.
__________________________________________________

BARBARA BEL GEDDES - August 8

Barbara bought grave-site.
__________________________________________________

BOB DENVER - September 2

Another island castaway casts off to Heaven.
__________________________________________________

WILLIAM REHNQUIST - September 3

Scumbag lying gun-nut Clinton impeachment judge
dies a slow horrible death. Where's the bad news?
__________________________________________________

CLARENCE "GATEMOUTH" BROWN - September 10

Now headlining a new blues guitar review
starring Saint Peter's Pearly Gatemouth Crew.
__________________________________________________

ROBERT WISE - September 14

Oh great director, we mourn your demise.
__________________________________________________

SIMON WIESENTHAL - September 20

Makes sense that a guy named Simon Wiesenthal
excelled at chasing down slimy weasel Nazis.
__________________________________________________

DON ADAMS - September 25

86: Don't tell me I'm dead, now.
99:Yes, Max - you are.
86: I told you not to tell me that!
__________________________________________________

NIPSEY RUSSELL - October 2

There once was a man named Nipsey
Who told limericks when he was tipsy
One day he got so old
That his brain went on hold
But at least he didn't die in Poughkeepsie!
__________________________________________________

LOUIS NYE - October 9

Lou Nye The Silenced Guy.
__________________________________________________

ROSA PARKS - October 24

Park it right here up front, honey chile.
__________________________________________________

SKITCH HENDERSON - November 1

Make that Ditch, Henderson.
__________________________________________________

LINK WRAY - November 5

Dead Fish Special.
__________________________________________________

RALPH EDWARDS - November 11

Truth Or Caskets.
__________________________________________________

PAT MORITA - November 24

Another carryout from Arnold's Drive-In.
__________________________________________________

EUGENE MCCARTHY - December 10

Shoulda been elected President -
ended up as a graveyard resident.
__________________________________________________

RICHARD PRYOR - December 10

Promoted Gene McCarthy for Prez, then dies the same
day as McCarthy does. Now that's comedy!
__________________________________________________

WILLIAM PROXMIRE - December 15

Another politician dead in the mire,
and not just approximately.
__________________________________________________

JACK ANDERSON - December 17

Muckraking journalist now investigating
the funeral industry... a little too closely.
__________________________________________________

VINCENT SCHIAVELLI - December 26

Schiavelli, meet gravedigger's shovel.
Merry day after Christmas - you're dead!
Never cook and smoke at the same time, gourmet boy.
(COD: Lung cancer.)
__________________________________________________

= WELL, THAT'S ALL FOR THIS YEAR, FOLKS! BUT STAY TUNED - YOU KNOW THE GRIM REAPER AIN'T DONE WITH THOSE CELEBS YET! MEANWHILE, ON THE UPPER RIGHT YOU CAN ALWAYS CHECK OUT THE
LIST OF LATE LAMENTED LAYABOUTS FROM OTHER YEARS! ENJOY! =