2005

SHIRLEY CHISHOLM - January 2

Her face was almost as ugly as her politics.
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DANNY SUGERMAN - January 5

No one here gets out alive - especially Danny.
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RUTH WARRICK - January 15

War's finally over for you and Rick, Ruth.
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VIRGINIA MAYO - January 17

Each film was a Mayo clinic - in how to be a hottie!
(Hey, at least we didn't start off with the predictable "hold the Mayo" gag.)
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ROSEMARY WOODS - January 22

Lied about those "missing" minutes of Nixon's tape.
(You never got out of those Watergate woods, Rosie.)
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JOHNNY CARSON - January 23

He-e-e-e-e-e-ere's Corpsy!
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JOHN VERNON - February 1

Appropriately, Dean Wormer is sleeping with the worms.
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MAX SCHMELING - February 2

Now he's really shmelling things up - to the max.
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OSSIE DAVIS - February 4

Ossie you done died, Davis.
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ARTHUR MILLER - February 10

Death Of A Scriptwriter.
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SANDRA DEE - February 20

Dee's dancin' with Mr. D., but this time it ain't Darin.
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JOHN RAITT - February 20

Bad news: The Pajama Game is over for him.
Good news: In Pajama Game,
he got Doris Day down to her panties.
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HUNTER S. THOMPSON - February 20

Lock And Loading In Helltown.
(COD: Suicide by gun.)
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GENE SCOTT - February 21

Cheesiest TV evangelist ever, so even Satanists dug him.
(That's got to be enough to get him into Heaven.)
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MARTIN DENNY - March 2

His lounge music place is now closed for good.
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JOHNNIE COCHRAN - March 29

Say "hi" for us in hell to Tricky Dick,
you O.J. murderer-defending lawyer prick.
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POPE JOHN PAUL II - April 2

We're still waiting to see a Pope John George Ringo.
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PRINCE RAINER - April 6

And your snooty wife Grace Kelly couldn't drive worth shit.
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JOHN MILLS - April 23

Swiss Family Rigor-mortis.
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FRANK GORSHIN - May 17

Riddle: What makes the best impression?
Answer: A six foot deep grave.
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HOWARD MORRIS - May 21

Ernest T. Bodybag.
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THURL RAVENSCROFT - May 22

This tiger says dying ain't so grrreeeaaattt!!!
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EDDIE ALBERT - May 26

Grave Acres.
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LEON ASKIN - June 3

General Burkhalter was halted? Just askin'.
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ANNE BANCROFT - June 7

I woulda tapped Mrs. Robinson, but her daughter?
Naw, she was like one of those Stepford Wives.
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PAUL WINCHELL - June 24

Was Tigger's voice in Winnie The Pooh.
(Could he also have been buried with
Jerry Mahoney and Knucklehead Smith?)
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JOHN FIEDLER - June 25

Was Piglet's voice in Winnie The Pooh.
(Always played a wimp, but was really a stud.)
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LUTHER VANDROSS - July 1

First another Superman dies, now another Luthor.
And Vandross usually looked like he was carrying a van full of dross, alright!
(Last we checked, no Winnie The Pooh connection.)
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WILLIAM WESTMORELAND - July 18

This Vietnam troop number liar is dead, generally speaking.
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JAMES DOOHAN -July 20

Now Scotty ain't Dohan nothin'.
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PAT MCCORMICK - July 29

Big joke writing dick now working on a dead shtick.
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PETER JENNINGS - August 7

This news just in: no smoking allowed in Hell.
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GENE MAUCH - August 8

The Angels won the series after you left, you bum.
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BARBARA BEL GEDDES - August 8

Barbara bought grave-site.
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BOB DENVER - September 2

Another island castaway casts off to Heaven.
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WILLIAM REHNQUIST - September 3

Scumbag lying gun-nut Clinton impeachment judge
dies a slow horrible death. Where's the bad news?
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CLARENCE "GATEMOUTH" BROWN - September 10

Now headlining a new blues guitar review
starring Saint Peter's Pearly Gatemouth Crew.
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ROBERT WISE - September 14

Oh great director, we mourn your demise.
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SIMON WIESENTHAL - September 20

Makes sense that a guy named Simon Wiesenthal
excelled at chasing down slimy weasel Nazis.
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DON ADAMS - September 25

86: Don't tell me I'm dead, now.
99:Yes, Max - you are.
86: I told you not to tell me that!
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NIPSEY RUSSELL - October 2

There once was a man named Nipsey
Who told limericks when he was tipsy
One day he got so old
That his brain went on hold
But at least he didn't die in Poughkeepsie!
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LOUIS NYE - October 9

Lou Nye The Silenced Guy.
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ROSA PARKS - October 24

Park it right here up front, honey chile.
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SKITCH HENDERSON - November 1

Make that Ditch, Henderson.
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LINK WRAY - November 5

Dead Fish Special.
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RALPH EDWARDS - November 11

Truth Or Caskets.
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PAT MORITA - November 24

Another carryout from Arnold's Drive-In.
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EUGENE MCCARTHY - December 10

Shoulda been elected President -
ended up as a graveyard resident.
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RICHARD PRYOR - December 10

Promoted Gene McCarthy for Prez, then dies the same
day as McCarthy does. Now that's comedy!
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WILLIAM PROXMIRE - December 15

Another politician dead in the mire,
and not just approximately.
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JACK ANDERSON - December 17

Muckraking journalist now investigating
the funeral industry... a little too closely.
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VINCENT SCHIAVELLI - December 26

Schiavelli, meet gravedigger's shovel.
Merry day after Christmas - you're dead!
Never cook and smoke at the same time, gourmet boy.
(COD: Lung cancer.)
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= WELL, THAT'S ALL FOR THIS YEAR, FOLKS! BUT STAY TUNED - YOU KNOW THE GRIM REAPER AIN'T DONE WITH THOSE CELEBS YET! MEANWHILE, ON THE UPPER RIGHT YOU CAN ALWAYS CHECK OUT THE
LIST OF LATE LAMENTED LAYABOUTS FROM OTHER YEARS! ENJOY! =