JOHNNY GRANT - January 9
The Honorary Mayor of Hollywood is now surrounded by wood.
________________________________________
EDMUND HILLARY - January 11
Oh, ya? Bet you can't even climb outta that dinky little grave, hotshot!
________________________________________
CARL KARCHER - January 11
Carl's Jr. now has one less hamburger in their office to worry about.
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BRAD RENFRO - January 15
He was in Ghost World, so... okay, you know the drill.
(That pic of him is from an actual recent heroin bust in L.A.)
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BOBBY FISCHER - January 17
Searching for him?
Why? He's right here in this ditch, you dummies!
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JOHN STEWART - January 19
The wormies out there are turnin' Stewart into mold.
________________________________________
SUZANNE PLESHETTE - January 19
Always put us in a sweat.
(Too bad she was batting for the other team.)
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HEATH LEDGER - January 22
Another star-studded druggie overdoses,
and this time we're not being jokers about it.
Hey, sometimes you have to wonder if their local
pharmacies hang their pictures up on their walls!
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MAHARISHI MAHESH YOGI - February 5
Apparently no relation to Yogi Berra.
Hey, now Mike Myers is free to release that
really insulting Love Guru movie about him. Hooray!
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ROY SCHEIDER - February 10
From Blue Thunder to six feet under.
(And we don't mean the TV show.)
________________________________________
DAVID GROH - February 12
Groh, who played the hubby of Ro, don't grow no mo!
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BUDDY MILES - February 26
And miles to go, Buddy sleeps.
________________________________________
WILLIAM F. BUCKLEY - February 27
National Review this, you creeping conservative little crud!
________________________________________
JEFF HEALEY - March 2
Now he's the worms' mealie.
________________________________________
NORMAN "HURRICANE" SMITH - March 3
These days he's just a little drip.
________________________________________
ARTHUR C. CLARKE - March 19
Well, he almost made it for real to his 2010 - the year we make contact.
________________________________________
RICHARD WIDMARK - March 24
Laughing while pushing an old lady down the stairs, huh?
Well, you sure ain't laughin' now, psycho boy
________________________________________
CHARLTON HESTON - April 5
It's off the planet and back to the zoo for that damn dirty gun-nut!
Oh, and pry that gat from your cold, dead hand? Mission accomplished!
________________________________________
IRV ROBBINS - May 5
I scream, you scream, we all scream
that Baskin Robbins ice cream...
always cost way too much.
________________________________________
EDDY ARNOLD - May 8
He became a music legend long before all those stupid
"all black cowboy hat and no cowboy" bums showed up.
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DICK MARTIN - May 24
And the Fickle Finger Of Fate points
to yet another fresh Laugh-In grave.
Say hi to Dan Rowan for us, you Dick.
________________________________________
SYDNEY POLLACK - May 26
Maybe he got his architect pal Frank Gehry
to design him a really goofy-looking coffin.
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HARVEY KORMAN - May 29
Now he's on the floor, man.
________________________________________
YVES ST. LAURENT - June 1
If being a "saint" was really in the universal design for you,
now's your chance to prove it, you wimpy whack job.
________________________________________
MEL FERRER - June 2
Brother of Jose, and father of Miguel.
We'd love to see the bills for
some of those family reunions.
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BO DIDDLEY - June 2
Bo Diddley we no longer got.
Bo Diddley's in a funeral plot.
Don't go, Bo Diddley!
Don't go, Bo Diddley!
(Repeat a hundred more times.)
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JIM MCKAY - June 7
Fate took his sports mic away.
________________________________________
TIM RUSSERT - June 13
Yet another fat, overpaid TV news guy bites the dust.
Didn't he also invent russert potatoes?
________________________________________
CYD CHARISSE - June 17
Someone cancelled this dance chick's lease.
________________________________________
GEORGE CARLIN - June 22
No longer snarlin'.
________________________________________
JESSE HELMS - July 4
Was he the founder of Helms Bakery?
If so, he only sold white bread!
________________________________________
MICHAEL DEBAKEY - July 11
A superb heart surgeon,
but still dead as a sturgeon.
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BOBBY MURCER - July 12
Yet another Yankee yanked.
(Sorry, but we're Dodger fans.)
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LES CRANE - July 13
Yet another TV talk show guy gets the crane.
He also dated Ginger from Gilligan's island.
(Sorry, but we're Mary Anne fans.)
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ESTELLE GETTY - July 22
From Golden Girl to moldin' girl.
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ALEKSANDER SOLZHENITSYN - August 3
Take a hike, you two-bit Tolstoy.
________________________________________
BERNIE MAC - August 9
Ain't comin' back.
Wow, the Obama people must've really
hated that recent comedy routine he did for them!
________________________________________
ISSAC HAYES - August 10
Ain't got no more days.
Wow, he just did Soul Man with Sam Jackson and Bernie Mac,
and Mac croaked yesterday. So watch out, Sammy baby!
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JERRY REED - September 1
When you're old, you're old.
When you're cold, you're cold.
(And Jerry got to be both! Yee-hah!)
________________________________________
PAUL NEWMAN - September 26
Now back with George C. Scott hustling pool in Heaven.
________________________________________
NEAL HEFTI - October 11
Holy Grim Reaper, Batman!
Our TV theme song writer just kicked off!
________________________________________
MR. BLACKWELL - October 19
He'll get a real good look at that black well, now.
________________________________________
RUDY RAY MOORE - October 19
Now we have a whole lot less of Mr. Moore.
Which is a real drag, down to the core!
________________________________________
YMA SUMAC - November 1
Was she the world's best singer? You bet.
She found notes that no one had invented yet!
________________________________________
MICHAEL CRICHTON - November 4
Jurassic Parked.
________________________________________
PREACHER ROE - November 9
Yep, he's laid out in a neat little row, alright.
________________________________________
HERB SCORE - November 11
The score is zero, now.
________________________________________
MITCH MITCHELL - November 12
Bang the drum slowly for... another former Hendrix drummer.
________________________________________
ODETTA - December 2
Make that O-DEAD-A.
________________________________________
ROBERT PROSKY - December 8
He's feeling overly-frosty.
________________________________________
BETTIE PAGE - December 11
This pin-up queen was all the rage,
until she packed on too much age.
________________________________________
VAN JOHNSON - December 12
He's parked his Johnson in his Van for the last time.
________________________________________
W. MARK FELT - December 18
The first Deep Throat star who wasn't X-rated,
he caused Watergate to be hotly debated.
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HAROLD PINTER - December 24
The Day The Hal Came Out To Play Tennis With The Grim Reaper.
(Of course Pinter lost.)
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EARTHA KITT - December 25
Merry X-Mas, Catwoman - you're dead! Rowrrr!
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= WELL, THAT'S ALL FOR THIS YEAR, FOLKS! BUT STAY TUNED - YOU KNOW THE GRIM REAPER AIN'T DONE WITH THOSE CELEBS YET! MEANWHILE, ON THE UPPER RIGHT YOU CAN ALWAYS CHECK OUT THE
LIST OF LATE LAMENTED LAYABOUTS FROM OTHER YEARS! ENJOY! =