2004

TUG MCGRAW - January 5

Pitched his last tugjob.
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SPALDING GRAY - January 10

Successful molester, bad swimmer.
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RON O'NEAL - January 14

From Superfly to being eaten by flies.
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ANN MILLER - January 22

One of the original hottie hoofers.
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BOB KEESHAN - January 23

Captain Kangaroo and Clarabelle Clown, goodbye to you both -
and thanks for the silly memories.
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JACK PAAR - January 27

Oh, he's plugged in a plot - I kid you not.
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JAN "MADGE" MINER - February 15

From Madge for Palmolive to Madge for pallbearers.
That graveyard dampness? You're soaking in it!
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MERCEDES MCCAMBRIDGE - March 2

Another Exorcist voice is stilled in the spooky night.
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JAN BERRY - March 26

Dean's singing partner (right)
hits dead man's curve... again.
(Bad year to be named Jan.)
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PETER USTINOV - March 28

Used to act good enough.
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ALISTAIR COOKE - March 30

He's getting well-cooked, alright!
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ESTEE LAUDER - April 24

Now she's funeral fodder.
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HUBERT SELBY JR. - April 26

Last Exit To Burial.
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ALAN KING - May 9

In the stand-up comedy world, he always lived up to his last name.
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TONY RANDALL - May 17

Had two kids even in his '70s?
Guess he was straight after all!
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RONALD REAGAN - June 5

Ronnie Raygun, we knew ye much too well
Keep being a stool pigeon, this time in Hell
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RAY CHARLES - June 10

Hit the road, Jack. And you too, Ray.
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MARLON BRANDO - July 2

Angel Kazan gave him an offer he couldn't refuse.
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ISABEL SANFORD - July 12

Well, she's movin' on up again -
this time to the north side.
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FRANCIS CRICK - July 28

From DNA to DOA. (AKA up shit crick.)
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RICK JAMES - August 6

From super-freak to super-funeral.
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GYPSY BOOTS - August 8

Head honcho of hippies finally broke HIS hip.
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FAY WRAY - August 8

Whatever happened to...? Now we know.
(King Kong sent flowers.)
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JULIA CHILD - August 13

Wait... is this just Dan Aykroyd messing around again?
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ELMER BERNSTEIN - August 18

Movie music hack? Sure, but he was no Al Newman.
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ELISABETH KUBLER-ROSS - August 24

We'll be waiting for that firsthand report about being dead, babe.
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LAURA BRANIGAN - August 26

Won't be back again.
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JOHNNY RAMONE - September 15

He got in on the special Ramones graveyard group rate.
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MARVIN MITCHELSON - September 18

Inventor of palimony suits now wearing his final one.
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RUSS MEYER - September 18

(Shown with the always erotic Edy Williams.)
Another heir to the Meyer wienie fortune,
currently exploring the last Valley Of The Ultra-Perverts.
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SKEETER DAVIS - September 19

Now it really is the "IND" of this whiney country singer's world.
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RICHARD AVEDON - October 1

Bitch has a' gone.
Now developing in a permanent darkroom.
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JANET LEIGH - October 3

Psycho shower chick
is much more than sick.
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GORDON COOPER - October 4

Astronaut who took trips to space
now occupies an astro turf place.
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RODNEY DANGERFIELD - October 5

Oh, sure... NOW he gets some respect!
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CHRISTOPHER REEVE - October 10

Had more courage than most would believe.
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PIERRE SALINGER - October 16

Former advisor to JFK
is also now dead today.
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HOWARD KEEL - November 7

No longer on an even keel.
Keel-hauled.
Keeled over.
(Okay, that should do it.)
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YASSER ARAFAT - November 11

That fat ugly old kitchen
tablecloth-wearing bum shoulda
dropped dead 20 years ago?
Yassir!
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OLD DIRTY BASTARD - November 13

ODB? He done got squashed like a flea.
Hey, I'm rappin'!
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JOHN BARRYMORE JR. - November 29

Jerk don't breath anymore.
(Sorry, Drew baby.)
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SUSAN SONTAG - December 27

So-so writer hag
tryin' on a toe tag.
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JERRY ORBACH - December 28

Lennie Briscoe is one fried brisket.
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ARTIE SHAW - December 30

His swing band inspired awe.
Actual appropriate title to one of his books:
"I Love You, I Hate You, Drop Dead!"
That's what we call the perfect
sign-off for the year!
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= WELL, THAT'S ALL FOR THIS YEAR, FOLKS! BUT STAY TUNED - YOU KNOW THE GRIM REAPER AIN'T DONE WITH THOSE CELEBS YET! MEANWHILE, ON THE UPPER RIGHT YOU CAN ALWAYS CHECK OUT THE
LIST OF LATE LAMENTED LAYABOUTS FROM OTHER YEARS! ENJOY! =