2002

AVERY SCHREIBER - January 7

That taxi driver comic's dead, know what I mean?
Know what I mean? Dead? Ya!
(And he was doing this bit before Dinero or Varney.)
__________________________________________________

DAVE "WENDY" THOMAS - January 8

Burger bum goes buns up.
Wendy wept.
__________________________________________________

CYRUS VANCE - January 12

No longer stands a chance to advance.
__________________________________________________

FRANK SHUSTER- January 13

Frank's career was always on the Wayne, anyway.
(He was also the cousin of Joe Shuster, co-creator of Superman.)
__________________________________________________

TED DEMME - January13

Two director brothers.
(Jonathan left, Ted right.)
Ted the Blow director blew it, allright -
the big fat dumb dopehead.
__________________________________________________

CARRIE HAMILTON - January 20

She was a daughter of Carol Burnett.
When somebody's hair always looks this crappy -
and they're not in a comedy sketch -
then they're puffin' on the drug pipe, folks.
Moral: Don't go and have kids if your real baby is showbiz.
__________________________________________________

PEGGY LEE - January 21

Is that all there is to a funeral pyre?
__________________________________________________

PRINCESS MARGARET- February 9

Another bigtime Brit takes a hit.
__________________________________________________

WAYLON JENNINGS - February 13

He ain't wailin' much nowadays.
They sing a stupid country tune
and start thinking they're a cowboy -
which is always good for a laugh.
__________________________________________________

HOWARD K. SMITH - February 15

Make that Howard Kroaked Smith.
__________________________________________________

CHUCK JONES - February 23

That buggy guy ain't so damn animated anymore.
__________________________________________________

SPIKE MILLIGAN - February 27

Will never thrill again.
Shoulda watched those spiked drinks.
__________________________________________________

SYLVESTER "PAT" WEAVER - March 15

Former head of NBC takes entry level job in HELL.
__________________________________________________

MILTON BERLE - March 27

Uncle Miltie takes the big dirt nappie.
(But he hammed it up until age 94.)
__________________________________________________

DUDLEY MOORE - March 27

I say, Dudley's much less now, isn't he? Righto!
(Same day as Berle.)
__________________________________________________

BILLY WILDER - March 27

And Billy's much milder.
(Same day as Berle and Moore. Wow!)
__________________________________________________

QUEEN ELIZABETH (QUEEN MOTHER) - March 30

We hear it was a royal mutha of a funeral.
__________________________________________________

ROBERT URICH - April 16

The worst actor on TV, he still starred
in more series' than anyone in history.
Boy, his knees must have been awfully sore.
__________________________________________________

THOR HEYERDAHL - April 18

Now his Heyerdahl is gonna get a lot more Thor.
__________________________________________________

LINDA LOVELACE - April 22

The greatest throat talent since Beverly Sills.
__________________________________________________

OTIS BLACKWELL - May 6

Now his oat is in the black well.
(Okay, that one was too easy.)
__________________________________________________

JOE BONANNO - May 11

Wit all doo respeck, Joey Bans finally went bananas for the last time!
__________________________________________________

DAVE BERG - May16

The Lighter Side Of Going Into The Light.
__________________________________________________

JERRY DUNPHY - May 20

And now the news - Dunphy took a dumph.
__________________________________________________

STEPHEN JAY GOULD - May 20

Make that Stephen Jay Ghoul.
__________________________________________________

SAM SNEAD - May 23

The ol' duffer stopped working the ol' puffer.
__________________________________________________

LEW WASSERMAN - June 3

Quite the cup and saucer man. A real showbiz gent.
__________________________________________________

DEE DEE RAMONE - June 5

That makes two Ramones
In the yard of the musical bones
Will a third one also be fated
To get that sedated?
__________________________________________________

JOHN GOTTI - June 10

Teflon Don meets cast iron cancer coffin.
Guess who won that one? At's a righta, Guido!
__________________________________________________

BILL BLASS - June12

Designed clothes with class.
__________________________________________________

ANN LANDERS - June 22

Now writing advice columns in hell.
__________________________________________________

JOHN ENTWISTLE - June 27

This heroin head is one Who
could never resist his bass-er instincts.
__________________________________________________

ROSEMARY CLOONEY - June 29

She kept getting gloomy,
now Satan's her roomie
__________________________________________________

TED WILLIAMS - July 5

The Splendid Splinter
feels the eternal winter
__________________________________________________

JOHN FRANKENHEIMER - July 6

And yet another auteur proves he'd
die to join The Director's Ghouled.
__________________________________________________

ROD STEIGER - July 9

The heart of this pawnbroker
made him a real croaker.
__________________________________________________

ALAN LOMAX - July 19

He looks his best in wax.
__________________________________________________

CHIAM POTOK - July 23

Now in limbo taking potluck.
__________________________________________________

LEO MCKERN - July 23

Without Rumpy, the old Bailey just won't be the same.
__________________________________________________

CHICK HEARN - August 5

Avoided Hell by faking the Devil
right into the popcorn machine!
__________________________________________________

JOHN ROSEBORO - August 16

Ain't catching no more sorrow.
__________________________________________________

HOYT WILHELM - August 23

History's best sidearmer leaves the helm.
__________________________________________________

LIONEL HAMPTON - August 31

Now playin' even more heavenly vibes.
__________________________________________________

KIM HUNTER - September 11

She's finally off that dizzy streetcar.
__________________________________________________

JOHNNY UNITAS - September 11

United we stand, but Unitas doesn't stand.
__________________________________________________

LAWANDA PAGE - September 14

She's yellin' at all them hateful heathens in hell.
__________________________________________________

JAMES GREGORY - September 16

Inspector Luger won't bug Barney Miller anymore.
__________________________________________________

WHITNEY BLAKE - September 28

Rowing on hell's lake.
__________________________________________________

TERESA GRAVES - October 10

Now she's in one.
__________________________________________________

RAY CONIFF - October 12

Make that Ray Coffin -
now that's easy listening music.
__________________________________________________

RICHARD HARRIS - October 25

Bigtime boozer finally turns dead loser.
__________________________________________________

LONNIE DONNEGAN - November 3

It's the last time he'll be gone again.
__________________________________________________

JONATHAN HARRIS - November 3

"Unhand me, you ridiculously rude reaper!"
Lost In Spruce - a spruce coffin, that is.
(And what a bad two week span
for the always classy Harris clan!)
__________________________________________________

JAMES COBURN - November 18

Flint turns to lint.
__________________________________________________

ROONE ARLEDGE - December 5

ABC's Wide World Of Stiffs.
__________________________________________________

JOE STRUMMER - December 22

No longer strummin',
he's just bummin'.
__________________________________________________

GEORGE ROY HILL - December 27

George Boot Hill.
__________________________________________________

= WELL, THAT'S ALL FOR THIS YEAR, FOLKS! BUT STAY TUNED - YOU KNOW THE GRIM REAPER AIN'T DONE WITH THOSE CELEBS YET! MEANWHILE, ON THE UPPER RIGHT YOU CAN ALWAYS CHECK OUT THE
LIST OF LATE LAMENTED LAYABOUTS FROM OTHER YEARS! ENJOY! =