1998

HELEN WILLIS MOODY - January 1

This tennis tart is no longer in the mood.
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MAE QUESTEL - January 4

She did the voice of both Betty Boop and Olive Oyl.
In the cartoon world, that's called range!
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SONNY BONO - January 5

(Sonny with a chance of girl singer.)
Turning Republican was certainly
a case of skiing up the wrong tree.

(BTW, I didn't charge for this obit.
That's right, folks - I did it pro Bono.)
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CARL PERKINS - January 19

You can do anything you want, but
don't step on his blue suede wings!

(Photo by Alan Clark)
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JACK LORD - January 21

Bury 'im, Danno.
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CARL WILSON - February 6

Hangin' ten on a coffin just ain't the same,
you crazy beach boy.

(COD: Lung cancer. Age 51.)
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HARRY CARAY - February 18

Announcer for decades of baseball's
playoff-choking Chicago Cubs.
Sainthood granted.
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LOUIS "GRANDPA" JONES - February 19

Heaven hears a Hee Haw.
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ANTONIO PROHIAS - February 24

Did Mad magazine's "Spy Vs. Spy" strip.
And he's spying down on all of us.
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HENNY YOUNGMAN - February 24

He said take his wife, not him. Please!
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J.T. WALSH - February 27

Luckily he's safe, though -
he's in a bowling alley in heaven.

(COD: Heart attack. Age 55.)
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LLOYD BRIDGES - March 10

Grave Hunt.
It was go time!
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DR. BENJAMIN SPOCK - March 15

Baby doctor who gave advice
on diet and general health.
He must have known what
he was talking about, since
he lived until age 95!
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BELLA ABZUG - March 31

Ugly hats, ugly face -
Glad she left the human race.

(Really, with such a goofy gimmick,
how could she ever hope to be
taken seriously for even a minute?)
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TAMMY WYNETTE - April 6

Stand By Your Meds.
Another prescription "painkiller" pill junkie.

(COD: Heart attack. Age 55.)
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WENDY O. WILLIAMS - April 7

Former Plasmatic goes spasmatic.
She couldn't deal with turning the big 5-0,
which was just one month away for her.

(COD: Suicide by gun. Age 49.)
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LINDA MCCARTNEY - April 17

The lovely Linda.
Paulie never had it so good,
and he knows it.
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OCTAVIO PAZ - April 19

Adios, super Pazman.
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CARLOS CASTANEDA - April 27

His gravesite: A Seperate Realty.
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ELDRIDGE CLEAVER - May 1

Soul on ice now keeping frosty in heaven.
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EDDIE RABBITT - May 7

He insisted on a waterproof coffin.
(Think about it.)
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ALICE FAYE - May 9

Absence Of Alice.
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FRANK SINATRA - May 14

"Shot down in May"- literally.
Oh, well - That's Death.
Ol' Blue Eyes Is Bumped.
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JOHN DEREK - May 22

Knock On Any Box.
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ROBERT W. MORGAN - May 22

Another boss California DJ - gee, did he have to follow
"The Real" Don Steele in everything?
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PHIL HARTMAN - May 28

Did somebody say "sassy"?
No, Bryn said "shooting"!
(Click pic to enlarge
and read hilarious caption.)
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BARRY GOLDWATER - May 29

He sent his sinuses and his dead body to Arizona.
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JEANETTE NOLAN - June 5

"Sugarbabe" from The Real McCoys,
you done turned into a pillar of salt.
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AL CAMPANIS - June 21

Joining his scummy pal
Jimmy "the Greek" Snyder
for a nice cozy KKK meeting in hell.
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MAUREEN O'SULLIVAN - June 22

Was Jane in Tarzan films and Mia Farrow's mom.
Much cooler than her bitch on wheels daughter.
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SAM YORTY - June 5

Former L.A. mayor and early promoter of talk show turd Wally George,
who was the precurser of plagues like Rush Limbaugh.
In other words, a real jerk.
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ROY ROGERS - July 6

(With Trigger and Dale Evans.)
Sleep well, King Of The Cowboys.
You took us down many happy trails!
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ELIJAH PITTS - July 10

Now he's playing football in one.
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HUGH REILLY - July 17

The father from the Lassie TV show.
(Shown with June Lockhart, Jon Provost
and the world's greatest dog.)
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ALAN SHEPARD - July 21

Flight mission through life aborted.
Alan, we have a problem.
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ROBERT YOUNG - July 21

Dad, this is Bud. I did a lot of pot,
Mom did Star Trek, Betty did Get A Life,
and that brat Kathie was a sleazy hooker.
Anyway, I borrowed the car keys. Thanks!
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BINNIE BARNES - July 29

Played the wife of Fred Allen
in the 1945 film It's In The Bag!
Now she's back in the bag,
but this time not with Fred.
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JEROME ROBBINS - July 29

The Jets and the Sharks?
So he taught the football players
all those weird touchdown dances!
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BUFFALO BOB SMITH - July 30

Hey, kids, what time is it? It's Bobby Deady time!
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SHARI LEWIS - August 2

A true loss of very talented performer -
and she always had a great rack of lambchop.

(Bad week for kiddie show hosts.)
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PHIL LEEDS - August 16

The greatest TV comedy guest weasel of all time.
They'd say Phil leads, but few could ever follow him.
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JIM MURRAY - August 16

Sportswriter in L.A. for the Times.
Then he ran out of times.
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PERSIS KHAMBATTA - August 18

To the Grim Reaper this bald Star Trek movie chick
was apparently not persistent or combative enough.

(COD: Heart attack. Age 47.)
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JERRY CLOWER - August 24

A country-western comic? We already thought
country-western was comedy!
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E.G. MARSHALL - August 24

There's a new marshall entombed.
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AKIRA KUROSAWA - September 6

"No - I'm NOT pointing up at Godzilla!"
Uh, he was this really good
director of Asian flicks and stuff.
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GEORGE WALLACE - September 13

(Wallace blocking door of school to
prevent entrance of black students.)
Scratch another racist scumbag.
Down south, they
call them "governors."
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FLORENCE GRIFFITH JOYNER - September 21

It's a shame of olympic proportions that
Flo-Jo couldn't join us for much longer.

(COD: Heart attack. Age 38.)
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MARY FRANN - September 23

Make that Mary Fathead -
instead of dieting like a maniac,
she should have rested her cardiac.

(COD: Heart attack. Age 55.)
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GENE AUTRY - October 2

Back In The Sootpile Again.
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RODDY MCDOWELL - October 3

How Green Was Mac's Tumor.

(COD: Brain cancer. Age 70.)
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BOB KANE - November 13

"Holy nefarious schemes, Batman! No doubt this is
yet another pernicious plan by that plotting Penguin!"
(Cancel that, Robin - Burgess died last year.)
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STOKELY CARMICHAEL - November 15

They are stoking the fires in hell
for all your civil rights enemies.
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ESTHER ROLLE - November 17

Dead Times.

(Shown with co-star John Amos.)
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ALAN PAKULA - November 19

Directed All The President's Men to some Oscars.
Now he's been directed to some angel wings.
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FLIP WILSON - November 25

What you shovel is what you get.
Da grave-digging debil made me say dat!

(COD: Liver cancer. Age 64.)
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ARCHIE MOORE - December 9

Boxing veteran of 141 fights,
including Marciano and Ali.

(COD: Heart failure. Age 84.)

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NORMAN FELL - December 14

And Mr. Roper can't get up.

(COD: Lung cancer. Age 74.)
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= WELL, THAT'S ALL FOR THIS YEAR, FOLKS! BUT STAY TUNED - YOU KNOW THE GRIM REAPER AIN'T DONE WITH THOSE CELEBS YET! MEANWHILE, ON THE UPPER RIGHT YOU CAN ALWAYS CHECK OUT THE
LIST OF LATE LAMENTED LAYABOUTS FROM OTHER YEARS! ENJOY! =