FOLLOWING THE FATAL FINAL FACE PLANTS OF THE FAMOUS SINCE 1975!
A PHOTO FOR EVERY DEAD CELEB! = Special Feature: THEY DIED WITH THEIR MAKEUP ON =
= Most Popular Recent Afterlife Entrants =



Thursday, December 31, 1998

1998


HELEN WILLIS MOODY - January 1

This tennis tart is no longer in the mood.
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MAE QUESTEL - January 4

She did the voice of both Betty Boop and Olive Oyl.
In the cartoon world, that's called range!
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SONNY BONO - January 5

(Sonny with a chance of girl singer.)
Turning Republican was certainly
a case of skiing up the wrong tree.

(BTW, I didn't charge for this obit.
That's right, folks - I did it pro Bono.)
__________________________________________________

CARL PERKINS - January 19

You can do anything you want, but
don't step on his blue suede wings!

(Photo by Alan Clark)
__________________________________________________

JACK LORD - January 21

Bury 'im, Danno.
__________________________________________________

CARL WILSON - February 6

Hangin' ten on a coffin just ain't the same,
you crazy beach boy.

(COD: Lung cancer. Age 51.)
__________________________________________________

HARRY CARAY - February 18

Announcer for decades of baseball's
playoff-choking Chicago Cubs.
Sainthood granted.
__________________________________________________

LOUIS "GRANDPA" JONES - February 19

Heaven hears a Hee Haw.
__________________________________________________

ANTONIO PROHIAS - February 24

Did Mad magazine's "Spy Vs. Spy" strip.
And he's spying down on all of us.
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HENNY YOUNGMAN - February 24

He said take his wife, not him. Please!
__________________________________________________

J.T. WALSH - February 27

Luckily he's safe, though -
he's in a bowling alley in heaven.

(COD: Heart attack. Age 55.)
__________________________________________________

LLOYD BRIDGES - March 10

Grave Hunt.
It was go time!
__________________________________________________

DR. BENJAMIN SPOCK - March 15

Baby doctor who gave advice
on diet and general health.
He must have known what
he was talking about, since
he lived until age 95!
__________________________________________________

BELLA ABZUG - March 31

Ugly hats, ugly face -
Glad she left the human race.

(Really, with such a goofy gimmick,
how could she ever hope to be
taken seriously for even a minute?)
__________________________________________________

TAMMY WYNETTE - April 6

Stand By Your Meds.
Another prescription "painkiller" pill junkie.

(COD: Heart attack. Age 55.)
__________________________________________________

WENDY O. WILLIAMS - April 7

Former Plasmatic goes spasmatic.
She couldn't deal with turning the big 5-0,
which was just one month away for her.

(COD: Suicide by gun. Age 49.)
__________________________________________________

LINDA MCCARTNEY - April 17

The lovely Linda.
Paulie never had it so good,
and he knows it.
__________________________________________________

OCTAVIO PAZ - April 19

Adios, super Pazman.
__________________________________________________

CARLOS CASTANEDA - April 27

His gravesite: A Seperate Realty.
__________________________________________________

ELDRIDGE CLEAVER - May 1

Soul on ice now keeping frosty in heaven.
__________________________________________________

EDDIE RABBITT - May 7

He insisted on a waterproof coffin.
(Think about it.)
__________________________________________________

ALICE FAYE - May 9

Absence Of Alice.
__________________________________________________

FRANK SINATRA - May 14

"Shot down in May"- literally.
Oh, well - That's Death.
Ol' Blue Eyes Is Bumped.
__________________________________________________

JOHN DEREK - May 22

Knock On Any Box.
__________________________________________________

ROBERT W. MORGAN - May 22

Another boss California DJ - gee, did he have to follow
"The Real" Don Steele in everything?
__________________________________________________

PHIL HARTMAN - May 28

Did somebody say "sassy"?
No, Bryn said "shooting"!
(Click pic to enlarge
and read hilarious caption.)
__________________________________________________

BARRY GOLDWATER - May 29

He sent his sinuses and his dead body to Arizona.
__________________________________________________

JEANETTE NOLAN - June 5

"Sugarbabe" from The Real McCoys,
you done turned into a pillar of salt.
__________________________________________________

AL CAMPANIS - June 21

Joining his scummy pal
Jimmy "the Greek" Snyder
for a nice cozy KKK meeting in hell.
__________________________________________________

MAUREEN O'SULLIVAN - June 22

Was Jane in Tarzan films and Mia Farrow's mom.
Much cooler than her bitch on wheels daughter.
__________________________________________________

SAM YORTY - June 5

Former L.A. mayor and early promoter of talk show turd Wally George,
who was the precurser of plagues like Rush Limbaugh.
In other words, a real jerk.
__________________________________________________

ROY ROGERS - July 6

(With Trigger and Dale Evans.)
Sleep well, King Of The Cowboys.
You took us down many happy trails!
__________________________________________________

ELIJAH PITTS - July 10

Now he's playing football in one.
__________________________________________________

HUGH REILLY - July 17

The father from the Lassie TV show.
(Shown with June Lockhart, Jon Provost
and the world's greatest dog.)
__________________________________________________

ALAN SHEPARD - July 21

Flight mission through life aborted.
Alan, we have a problem.
__________________________________________________

ROBERT YOUNG - July 21

Dad, this is Bud. I did a lot of pot,
Mom did Star Trek, Betty did Get A Life,
and that brat Kathie was a sleazy hooker.
Anyway, I borrowed the car keys. Thanks!
__________________________________________________

BINNIE BARNES - July 29

Played the wife of Fred Allen
in the 1945 film It's In The Bag!
Now she's back in the bag,
but this time not with Fred.
__________________________________________________

JEROME ROBBINS - July 29

The Jets and the Sharks?
So he taught the football players
all those weird touchdown dances!
__________________________________________________

BUFFALO BOB SMITH - July 30

Hey, kids, what time is it? It's Bobby Deady time!
__________________________________________________

SHARI LEWIS - August 2

A true loss of very talented performer -
and she always had a great rack of lambchop.

(Bad week for kiddie show hosts.)
__________________________________________________

PHIL LEEDS - August 16

The greatest TV comedy guest weasel of all time.
They'd say Phil leads, but few could ever follow him.
__________________________________________________

JIM MURRAY - August 16

Sportswriter in L.A. for the Times.
Then he ran out of times.
__________________________________________________

PERSIS KHAMBATTA - August 18

To the Grim Reaper this bald Star Trek movie chick
was apparently not persistent or combative enough.

(COD: Heart attack. Age 47.)
__________________________________________________

JERRY CLOWER - August 24

A country-western comic? We already thought
country-western was comedy!
__________________________________________________

E.G. MARSHALL - August 24

There's a new marshall entombed.
__________________________________________________

AKIRA KUROSAWA - September 6

"No - I'm NOT pointing up at Godzilla!"
Uh, he was this really good
director of Asian flicks and stuff.
__________________________________________________

GEORGE WALLACE - September 13

(Wallace blocking door of school to
prevent entrance of black students.)
Scratch another racist scumbag.
Down south, they
call them "governors."
__________________________________________________

FLORENCE GRIFFITH JOYNER - September 21

It's a shame of olympic proportions that
Flo-Jo couldn't join us for much longer.

(COD: Heart attack. Age 38.)
__________________________________________________

MARY FRANN - September 23

Make that Mary Fathead -
instead of dieting like a maniac,
she should have rested her cardiac.

(COD: Heart attack. Age 55.)
__________________________________________________

GENE AUTRY - October 2

Back In The Sootpile Again.
__________________________________________________

RODDY MCDOWELL - October 3

How Green Was Mac's Tumor.

(COD: Brain cancer. Age 70.)
__________________________________________________

BOB KANE - November 13

"Holy nefarious schemes, Batman! No doubt this is
yet another pernicious plan by that plotting Penguin!"
(Cancel that, Robin - Burgess died last year.)
__________________________________________________

STOKELY CARMICHAEL - November 15

They are stoking the fires in hell
for all your civil rights enemies.
__________________________________________________

ESTHER ROLLE - November 17

Dead Times.

(Shown with co-star John Amos.)
__________________________________________________

ALAN PAKULA - November 19

Directed All The President's Men to some Oscars.
Now he's been directed to some angel wings.
__________________________________________________

FLIP WILSON - November 25

What you shovel is what you get.
Da grave-digging debil made me say dat!

(COD: Liver cancer. Age 64.)
__________________________________________________

ARCHIE MOORE - December 9

Boxing veteran of 141 fights,
including Marciano and Ali.

(COD: Heart failure. Age 84.)

__________________________________________________

NORMAN FELL - December 14

And Mr. Roper can't get up.

(COD: Lung cancer. Age 74.)
__________________________________________________

= WELL, THAT'S ALL FOR THIS YEAR, FOLKS! BUT STAY TUNED - YOU KNOW THE GRIM REAPER AIN'T DONE WITH THOSE CELEBS YET! MEANWHILE, ON THE UPPER RIGHT YOU CAN ALWAYS CHECK OUT THE
LIST OF LATE LAMENTED LAYABOUTS FROM OTHER YEARS! ENJOY! =

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