FOLLOWING THE FATAL FINAL FACE PLANTS OF THE FAMOUS SINCE 1975!
A PHOTO FOR EVERY DEAD CELEB! = Special Feature: THEY DIED WITH THEIR MAKEUP ON =
= Most Popular Recent Afterlife Entrants =



Wednesday, December 31, 1997

1997


JESSE WHITE - January 8

Played Oscar Putney on The Ann Sothern Show,
and was the first Maytag repairman - both lucky gigs.
__________________________________________________

SHELDON LEONARD - January 10

Played gangsters before he was a TV producer -
so no real career change there.
__________________________________________________

COL. TOM PARKER - January 21

Happily ripping off rockers in hell.
__________________________________________________

JEANNE DIXON - January 25

This babe was a Jack Ruby party girl when
she "predicted" the JFK hit. Some "psychic!"
__________________________________________________

HERB CAEN - February 1

Are you going to San Francisco?
Herb's cool columns made it glow.
__________________________________________________

MARJORIE REYNOLDS February 1

Played the wife in The Life Of Riley -
now appearing in the death of Reynolds.
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DON PORTER - February 11

Worked with both Ann Southern and Sally Field,
so he really died and went to heaven years ago.
__________________________________________________

DAVID DOYLE - February 26

Angels, here's Charlie's latest request:
Tinkle on my grave.
__________________________________________________

FRED ZINNEMANN - March 14

Master director of black and white movies,
currently working on a totally black one.
__________________________________________________

TONY ZALE - March 20

Great little boxer, now sparring
in a great little box.
__________________________________________________

HARRY BLACKSTONE JR. - April 14

Abrakadabra - now he's Harry Gravestone.
__________________________________________________

ALLEN GINSBERG - April 5

Howl he write his way out of this?
__________________________________________________

JACK KENT COOKE - April 6

Now he's finally cooked.
__________________________________________________

LAURA NYRO - April 8

Well, where's that damn miracle, chick?
(COD: Ovarian cancer. Age 49.)
__________________________________________________

PAT PAULSEN - April 24

Now he's as stiff as fellow
political funnyman Al Gore.
__________________________________________________

MIKE ROYKO - April 29

Any place is better than writing in Chicago, Mikester.
__________________________________________________

ALVY MOORE - May 4

One of the great comics of TV.
Well, not great, really, but a good comic.
Well, not exactly a comic, either, but...
__________________________________________________

EDWARD MULHARE - May 24

Now Mrs. Muir's TV ghost is a real one.
__________________________________________________

GEORGE FENNEMAN - May 29

Announcer: Groucho, today's secret word is "coffin."
__________________________________________________

RONNIE LANE - June 4

The face of rock 'n' roll just got much smaller.
__________________________________________________

MAGDA GABOR - June 6

Guess "Zsa Zsa" is too tough for the Grim Reaper to spell.
__________________________________________________

BRIAN KEITH - June 24

Funeral Affair
...or...
With Six Feet Under You Get Coffin.
__________________________________________________

JACQUES COUSTEAU - June 25

Our old friend is asleep in the deep
with that red cap made from sheep.
__________________________________________________

ROBERT MITCHUM - July 1

Attention all worms: Bob - he's what's for dinner.
__________________________________________________

JIMMY STEWART - July 2

It's A Wonderful Liedown.
(Or: The Filla Ditch For Me Story.)
__________________________________________________

CHARLES KURALT - July 4

This wide load adulterer is finally off the road.
Happy 4th of July, you old firecracker fart.
(COD: Lupus. Age 62.)
__________________________________________________

BEN HOGAN - July 25

He finally golfed into a sandtrap he couldn't get out of.
__________________________________________________

WILLIAM BURROUGHS - August 2

No longer living on Burroughed time.
__________________________________________________

JEANNE CALMENT - August 4

(Calment at age 20.)
Had the ear of Vincent Van Gogh -
figuratively speaking, of course.
Lived to 120.
__________________________________________________

"THE REAL" DON STEELE - August 5

This dippy DJ is now the Real Dead Deal.
__________________________________________________

BRANDON TARTIKOFF - August 27

Now he's knocked it off.
(Creating bad TV, that is.)
__________________________________________________

PRINCESS DIANA - August 31

She did it in the stable
Whenever she was able
Then this gold-digging bitch
Wound up in a Paris ditch.
__________________________________________________

MOTHER TERESA - September 5

Selfless saint who got pushed to
the back pages by that stable slut Diana.
__________________________________________________

DEREK TAYLOR - September 7

The Beatles always said he was a good Apple.
__________________________________________________

BURGESS MEREDITH - September 9

Time enough at last, Mr. Bemis.
__________________________________________________

RED SKELTON - September 17

Good night, Freddy, and may God bless.
__________________________________________________

JIMMY WITHERSPOON - September 18

And the blues ran away with the Spoon.
Ain't no sunshine when he's a goner.
__________________________________________________

ROY LICHTENSTEIN - September 29

Copied comic books for profit -
now he's gone off it.
__________________________________________________

AL "JAZZBO" COLLINS - September 30

This is Al "Jazzbeaux" Collins,
and I used to be alive. Remember when?
__________________________________________________

JOHN DENVER - October 12

Rocky Mountain Hit.
Denver from a talk show: "Well, I've been foolin' em so far."
Me from this blog: "Not anymore you ain't, hick boy!"
__________________________________________________

HAROLD ROBBINS - October 14

A Gravestone For Harry Robbins.
__________________________________________________

AUDRA LINDLEY - October 16

Henceforth Mrs. Roper will be getting
the same amount of sex she always got.
__________________________________________________

JAMES MICHENER - October 16

South Specific.
__________________________________________________

PAUL JARRICO - October 28

Another blacklisted writer comes tumbling down.
__________________________________________________

ANTON LAVEY - October 29

Satan's emissary here on Earth,
before Pat Robertson took over.
(And just two days before Halloween.)
__________________________________________________

EDDIE ARCARO - November 14

This rider was really a sport -
buried in just his jockey shorts.
__________________________________________________

STUBBY KAYE - December 14

Sit down - you're rockin' your box, fatso.
__________________________________________________

NICOLETTE LARSON - December 16

It's gonna take a lotta...lettuce
to pay for her fancy funeral.
(COD: Liver failure. Age 45.)
__________________________________________________

CHRIS FARLEY - December 18

Now he's stayin' in a grave... down by the river!
(COD: Drug overdose. Age 33.)
__________________________________________________

TOSHIRO MIFUNE - December 20

The Six Foot Under Samauri.
__________________________________________________

DAWN STEEL - December 20

Night Return.
First female movie mogul.
And probably also the last.
(COD: Brain tumor. Age 51.)
__________________________________________________

DENVER PYLE - December 25

Under a darling pile of dirt, that is.
(But he was no relation to Gomer.)
Merry Christmas - y'all be dead!
__________________________________________________

MICHEAL KENNEDY - December 31

Another year, another dead Kennedy -
place your bets on the next one, folks.
This loser was an alcoholic rapist
of an underage babysitter.
He also thought it would be a great idea
to play football while on skis and
without wearing a helmet. It wasn't.
(Happy New Year, Boston boy -
pawk yaw caw in hell's yawd!)
__________________________________________________

= WELL, THAT'S ALL FOR THIS YEAR, FOLKS! BUT STAY TUNED - YOU KNOW THE GRIM REAPER AIN'T DONE WITH THOSE CELEBS YET! MEANWHILE, ON THE UPPER RIGHT YOU CAN ALWAYS CHECK OUT THE
LIST OF LATE LAMENTED LAYABOUTS FROM OTHER YEARS! ENJOY! =

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