1996

RUDOLPH "MINNESOTA FATS" WANDERONE - January 18

Fat ball in the corner casket.
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GENE KELLY - February 2

An American In Heaven.
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AUDREY MEADOWS - February 3

Baby, you were the greatest.
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MARTIN BALSAM - February 13

How ironic that most people think this
bald actor invented balsam shampoo.
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TOMMY RETTIG - February 15

He got away once, but the invaders from Mars
came back and caught the little brat again.
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MCLEAN STEVENSON - February 15

Henry Blake crashed in a chopper,
and now he's resting in a hopper.
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MINNIE PEARL - March 4

Maybe now they can take that
ugly sales tag off her stupid hat.
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WHIT BISSELL - March 5

A sci-fi acting staple who never got rusty.
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GEORGE BURNS - March 9

You said goodnight at 100, Georgie -
just like you predicted!
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VINCE EDWARDS - March 11

Calling Ben Casey? Sorry, the doctor is out.
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GREER GARSON - April 6

The star of "Goodbye Mr. Chips" finally cashed hers in.
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JIMMY "THE GREEK" SNYDER - April 21

A lifetime gambling tout and a racist -
instantly doubling his odds of going to hell.
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ERMA BOMBECK - April 22

The ol' septic tanker finally tanked.
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TIMOTHY LEARY - May 31

Instead of shopping for websites, this LSD
guru should have been looking for gravesites.
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MAX FACTOR - June 7

It was just not in his makeup
to factor death into the equation.
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ELLA FITZGERALD - June 15

Scat this, chubby.
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MEL ALLEN - June 16

There's the crack of the bat -
and that Mel is gone!
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PAMELA MASON - June 29

Wife of actor James Mason,
and inventor of the mason jar.
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MELVIN BELLI - July 9

Scratch one lawyer with a helluva Belli-ache.
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HERB EDELMAN - July 21

Co-starred in The Good Guys.
Now he's one of the dead guys.
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VIRGINIA CHRISTINE - July 24

TV's Mrs. Olsen sold coffee grounds.
Currently she's coughin' underground.
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CLAUDETTE COLBERT - July 30

She had only one good side to shoot,
and now she's totally shot.
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GREG MORRIS - August 27

Voodoo style, his character died in the
Mission: Impossible remake (which he hated),
then so did he - practically right after the premiere, yet!
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JOANNE DRU - September 10

Once she wore a yellow ribbon -
now in a pink satin coffin she's cribbin'.
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JULIET PROWSE - September 13

This sexy dancer always made the cut -
mainly because of her incredible butt.
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TUPAC SHAKUR - September 13

Yo, he wasn't even worth one pack, dawg.
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SPIRO AGNEW - September 17

The loud minority cancelled out his
silent majority mob rule every time.
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DOROTHY LAMOUR - September 22

Another mom of a secret Bob Jr.
So long, sweet sarong... girl.
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TED BESSELL - October 6

Played hottie Marlo Thomas' boyfriend on That Girl,
so at least he died happy. Oh, Donald!
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MOREY AMSTERDAM - October 28

Guy walks into a morgue...
well, he doesn't walk in.
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CARL SAGAN - December 20

Now the little smart fart will be dead
for billions and billions of years.
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= WELL, THAT'S ALL FOR THIS YEAR, FOLKS! BUT STAY TUNED - YOU KNOW THE GRIM REAPER AIN'T DONE WITH THOSE CELEBS YET! MEANWHILE, ON THE UPPER RIGHT YOU CAN ALWAYS CHECK OUT THE
LIST OF LATE LAMENTED LAYABOUTS FROM OTHER YEARS! ENJOY! =